How to set healthy boundaries at work
3 key principles to help you draw that line between life and work
Hi! This is Zubin 👋
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Let’s get on with this week’s topic of setting up boundaries.
What keeps you up at night?
Whether you are a professional working in a company, a freelancer or a founder - the common challenge is how to draw a clear line between you and your work responsibilities.
When I got newly promoted to a Manager role in 2017, I started making work problems my own problems. Stressful days turned into overwhelming weeks. Overwhelming weeks turned into burnt-out months. While I had supportive colleagues around me, there was a lack of guidance on how to distance myself from my work responsibilities when I am at home or enjoying a meal over a weekend.
Our generic approach to boundaries is to take a one week holiday twice a year. But that doesn’t help you with your day-to-day work spillage into life.
Promises that we make to ourselves all go out of the window:
Being in touch with friends
Working out regularly
Getting enough sleep
Eating out with family
I had realised a few years later that boundaries had slipped. Boundaries between my work and the wholesome life that I wanted to live.
I needed to make a change. So I came up with three principles to build the bridge between me and my work.
I hope this helps you create a framework for yourself to setup your own boundaries.
Principle 1: My emotional wellbeing is my own responsibility
It was up to me to look after myself. To avoid becoming a bad boss, or burning out altogether, I needed to become more emotionally self-aware. This meant regularly checking-in with myself and asking, ‘How am I feeling?’ and, ‘What’s making me feel this way?’
Here are some recent reflections:
When I had less than 7 hours of sleep, I became irritable.
When I had back-to-back meetings all day, I was exhausted.
When I didn’t go to the gym for more than three days, I felt ashamed of myself.
When I hadn’t connected with my friends in a long time, I lost my objectivity.
When I put off giving important feedback to a colleague, I felt anxious and avoided the situation.
When I took on too many things, I got overwhelmed.
If I was going to make any real changes, I had to own these feelings and understand my vulnerabilities.
Principle 2: My mental peace is more important than my success at work
This is blasphemy to some people.
‘I would do anything for my company’s success!’ I hear you say.
But here’s the thing: you won’t grow happily in your career if you sacrifice your health and happiness.
Inevitably, your decisions will get worse. Who wants to work with a sad, angry, over-stressed colleague with no personal boundaries? It’s easy to lose sight of this, especially when you’re making short-term decisions.
Not everyone has a manager looking after them, holding them accountable for their long-term emotional well-being. Who can you ask to keep you accountable to yourself?
Principle 3: It is okay to say ‘No’ without feeling guilty
Setting boundaries involves knowing when to say ‘no’ . . . and then saying it, even though it feels uncomfortable. I often found myself saying ‘yes’ despite feeling over-stressed. And on reflection, I realise that this was often out of guilt.
If there is one emotion that all managers and entrepreneurs can relate to, it’s guilt.
Missed targets: guilt.
Personal development issues: guilt.
Failure of any kind: guilt.
I beat myself up over every issue in my projects. But all this guilt-tripping was behind some of my worst decisions.
To take responsibility for your emotional wellbeing, you have to say ‘no’ with confidence. This becomes easier over time, so my advice is to start early.Â
Final thoughts
Respecting your own boundaries helps you to identify and respect the boundaries of other people, making you a better leader. You’ll come across as self-aware and secure in your position, setting a healthy example for everyone on the team.
Think about your principles first. Then create a list of personal how-to’s.
We all know how hard it is to set boundaries — which is exactly why you should show off your boundaries with pride.
That’s all this week. If you liked reading, please share this newsletter with your friends and colleagues.
I coach highly motivated managers, leaders and entrepreneurs through their career dilemmas, and help them design their own principles to set boundaries in life.
To book a free coaching discovery call, click here.
If you are seeking mentoring, find me on Topmate or ADPList.
Or just drop by on LinkedIn to say hi!
Always rooting for your success,
Zubin 👋